


Unconditionally

by BorntoShipVictuuri



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, M/M, Post-Canon, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-17 15:15:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29719149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BorntoShipVictuuri/pseuds/BorntoShipVictuuri
Summary: A terrified Victor calls Yuuri when he is practicing in the ice rink at St Petersburg, telling him to come quickly and help him with Yuri. Viktor and Yuuri love him unconditionally.MAJOR TW FOR SU*C*DE-PLEASE DON'T READ THIS FIC IF THIS WILL PUT YOU IN A NEGATIVE/ SUICIDAL MINDSET!!!
Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri & Victor Nikiforov, Katsuki Yuuri & Yuri Plisetsky, Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Victor Nikiforov & Yuri Plisetsky
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34





	Unconditionally

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't read this if it is triggering for you. I've been here before, I know how tough it is, but you are not alone if you feel like this. 
> 
> 116-123 (Samaritans) -call them if you feel like you can't cope with your thoughts and you could do something dangerous. Please stay safe and be mindful of the dark topic while reading this. Also, if you're a highly sensitive person, maybe don't read this. 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS-SWEARING, MENTIONS OF DEATH, SELF-DEPRECATION, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, PREVENTED SUICIDE ATTEMPT, MENTIONED PAST SUICIDE. You have been warned.

"Hello?"

"Yuuri, come quickly!"

"What is it?" Yuuri asked, concerned, switching the phone from one ear to the other. It was late at night, coming up for eleven, and he was going over the routine that he'd practiced with Viktor that day, for the worlds. He had left Yuri and Victor home alone, watching a movie together with Makkachin and Potya to keep him company. Viktor was a responsible adult; the last thing that he had expected was the man calling him so frantically. 

"It's Yurio," Viktor explained, and Yuuri's heart dropped to his stomach as a plethora of dangerous scenarios ran through his head. 

"What is it? What happened to him? Is everything alright?" 

When Viktor replied to him, Yuuri could tell that he was choking back tears, and that he was probably on the verge of hysteria. "No, everything is definitely not alright. Please come home! He's scaring me, Yuuri. Really scaring me. He's on the roof-" 

Yuuri gasped. "Say no more," he instructed his fiancé, determination and fear intermingling in his voice. He knew exactly what was happening-he'd had a friend once, back in Detroit, well, he was his and Phichit's mutual friend, at college. His home life had been turbulent, and he was struggling to pay the rent, plus the mounting pressure of his upcoming deadlines was worsening his already unstable mental state. It had been too late for him, but if he hurried up, and if Viktor could just convince Yuri not to jump, then hopefully it wouldn't be too late for him. He loved that boy like a son, or a younger brother, and he wasn't going to lose him. "Stay with him. Make sure he doesn't do anything. Physically drag him off the ledge if you have to. But, whatever you do, _keep talking to him._ Got it?" 

"Got it," Viktor responded, sounding breathless. "I'll try my best to help him. I love you, Yuuri." 

"I love you too," he muttered, exiting the rink. "I'll be home soon. Stay with Yurio. He needs us right now. When I get back, one of us can call Nikolai and tell him what's happened. Or would that not be a good idea?" 

There was a brief pause, in which Yuuri's heart began to speed up in his chest, his fear consuming him. "Not exactly, no. Nikolai's ill himself, only physically, not mentally. Plus, he's hardly getting any younger, is he? It would hardly be beneficial for his own health. But it's important that he knows-he is family, after all." 

Yuuri hummed in agreement. "Fair enough. We'll decide what to do later, in that case. Is Yuri safe? Have you got his eye on him?"

"I haven't kept him out of my line of sight, Yuuri." He heard distant sobbing in the background, and sighed with relief, glad that the boy was alive and in one piece, at least. "Please hurry up." 

"I am, trust me." He gazed at his surroundings, now familiar to him after the months he had spent there. It looked as though he was five minutes away from Viktor's apartment where the three of them lived. Ten, at the most. "I'll be there soon. Tell Yurio that I love him, as well. I'll see you soon." With that, he hung up and changed his pace from a brisk walk to a run, running relentlessly on and on, not stopping until he reached the front door.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I'd be better off dead!" 

This elicited a shocked gasp from Viktor. "Yurio, that's absolutely not true." 

Yuri was teary-eyed. "Why isn't it true?" 

Viktor couldn't believe what he was hearing. How did someone who came across as so confident and in control think such things about themselves? He found it hard to believe. "Because, you're smart, kind, talented-" he began, using his fingers to strike each thing off, "funny, interesting, fun, and an all round amazing person. Please don't do this." He didn't care if he seemed desperate; if anything, a perceived desperation to keep the boy alive would actually do so.

"That's not true," Yuri mumbled, hiding behind his hair. "None of that is true, in the slightest." 

"How so?" Viktor challenged, his hands on his hips. 

"It just isn't, okay?!" Yuri yelled, sobbing. "You wouldn't understand, anyway. You're the untouchable Living Legend, Viktor Nikiforov. I mean, look at you. You've got it all-a successful career, a loving fiancé, a cute dog, several modelling contracts, a shit ton of medals, a throng of adoring fans who would give an arm and a leg to be living with you in your stylish apartment...need I go on? Oh, and not to mention that you're Yakov's favourite, of course. Your life is perfect." 

Viktor let out a bitter chuckle. "Yeah, right. You've got be kidding me, haven't you? Yuri, you've known me pretty much all of your life. You understand who I am on a human level, and I thought you would be able to realise that I'm actually not all that. I am not the person the media makes me out to be, and the sooner you understand that, the better. My life isn't perfect; in fact, it's far from it. I have stresses and insecurities and concerns and flaws the same way that any other person does, yourself included there. But this isn't about me, this is about you, and you should never strive to compare us the way other people do, because we are not the same person and never will be. That's fine." 

Yuri flushed a little, getting worked up. "No, it isn't okay! I need to be the best, and I'm never good enough!" 

Viktor took a tentative step towards him, his own icy blue eyes filling up with tears now. "Is that what this is about?"

Yuri stepped away from him, closer to the edge of the roof. "I got a bronze medal in my last competition, Viktor. I'm clearly nowhere near good enough for full-time professional skating, after all. And I'm failing math," he pointed out. "I'll never be good enough."

Viktor took a deep breath. "Yuri, step away from there." 

Yuri shook his head, causing Viktor's heart beat to speed up. "No! Why should I?" 

"Because, there are people in life who care about you and see you as more than good enough." Yuri scoffed.

"Yeah, right," he challenged. "Who like?" 

"Me, Yuuri, Otabek, Nikolai, Lilia, Yakov, Mila, Georgi-we all care, Yurio. We're here for you. Your fans believe in you, too. Plus, Mari and Toshiya and Hiroko love you, as well, and Minako. And, Phichit and Christophe have both seemed to warm up to you recently." 

Yuri rolled his eyes. "As if that many people actually care about me." 

"But we do, Yuri," Viktor pointed out, tearfully. Yuri opened his mouth to dispute this, stepping even further away from Viktor, when the sound of heavy footsteps below them stopped them in their tracks. Viktor couldn't help but breath out a sigh of relief. _Yuuri._

Thank God for that.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Yurio!" Yuuri shouted, running towards the boy. "You're okay. You're in one piece, at least. You're not hurt, right?" Yuri shook his head, tears spilling out of his viridian eyes and streaming down his pale cheeks. 

"Not physically, I'm not. But I'm never good enough, no matter what I do. Don't you both understand that? Even if people do care about me, which I doubt, they have no reason to do so. None. I'm not worth this, any of it. If I'm not good enough, if I can't get gold, then is anything even worth it any more. Besides, Yakov and Lilia can hardly stand me, at this point. Their lives would be easier without me in them." 

Yuuri looked appalled. "That's not true, at all! Who the hell told you that?" 

Yuri began fidgeting with the bottom of his shirt. "Nobody, but-" 

"Then why would you think that? Yakov acts in the way he does because he cares about you, and so does Lilia. I know you might find that hard to believe, but it's true. So many of us love you and just want to see you happy. Yes, it's amazing what you've achieved at such a young age, but if you gave that up now, which you shouldn't-one failure isn't the end of the world, take it from me-we'd still care about you all the same. We would still love you, regardless." 

Yuri's eyes widened. "You would?" 

Yuuri nodded. "We would, and I don't doubt that Viktor has said similar things to that," Yuuri said, turning his gaze to his fiancé for a second. Viktor nodded and Yuri flushed. 

"I'm not used to people caring about me," he admitted, shifting from foot to foot. Yuuri's eyes filled with tears; he'd had no idea that the boy had grown up with so little affection. He knew that Nikolai had tried his best in raising that boy, but there was clearly something lacking there. 

"I'm so sorry that you've had to live like that, Yurio. But, listen to me. This loss isn't the end of the world, it just means that you have to pick yourself back up and try again, okay? I know it feels shitty and terrible right now-how do you think I felt during the Sochi Grand Prix Final? But you're doing better than I was at your age." At this, Yuri scoffed and rolled his eyes. 

"Yeah, well," he muttered darkly. "I'm not doing as well as Viktor did when he was my age." 

Yuuri glanced at his fiancé again, this time out of the corner of his eyes and moved slowly towards the teenager. "Is this what this about? You should never compare yourself to other people, least of all Viktor Nikiforov. You're both incredible Russian Skaters. You don't need to be Viktor Nikiforov: The Sequel. You're Yuri Plisetsky: The Original, and that's fine." 

Yuri wiped his sleeve across his face. "It is?" 

"Yes, it is," Yuuri confirmed. He turned to Viktor, his determination written in his face. "Vitya, call Yakov. He'll know what to do, whether to tell Nikolai or not." 

Yuri looked mortified. "You can't tell Coach Yakov-" 

Yuuri placed a hand on his hips challengingly. "Actually, we can, and we will." His voice was soft. "We have a responsibility to look after you, so it would be stupid of us not to tell him about something so significant. Besides, contrary to what you believe, Yakov doesn't see you as a re-do of Viktor. He also doesn't see you as a failure, despite what happened. I hope you know that." 

Yuri raised an eyebrow, in disbelief. "He doesn't? Then why did he yell at me afterwards?" 

Viktor let out a small laugh. "Yurio, you really think that's a personal thing?" The boy shrugged. "He yells at everybody. Especially the ice skaters that he sees the most potential and future promise in, and his best skaters in general. Why do you think he's screamed at me about a thousand times before, at this point? It's a sign that he's warming up to you, and that he wants to help you with your skating. That he likes you, and doesn't wish to see you fail. Take it from me." 

"Can I really trust you?" Yuri half-joked, a glint of something in his eye that had dulled that night. It was hopeful; it was a sign that they would get the Yuri they knew and loved back, for tonight. Yuuri thought that it would be a sensible decision to get the boy therapy, though, because problems that led up to this were clearly deep-rooted, and not only related to one failure, but a toxic mentality arising from some sort of mental conflict or issue. 

"Of course you can," Viktor argued, mock offended. He turned away and began dialling Yakov, uncertain of what else to do or say. Still, he wasn't quite equipped yet to deal with other people's emotions, and it showed. 

"Come here," Yuuri whispered, holding his arms out so that the boy could hug him. Much to his surprise-and his relief-the boy ran to him in an instant, wrapping his arms around him and squeezing his eyes shut. 

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to ruin your ice skating practice or anything, I swear. But everything was getting too much, and I felt as though I was at breaking point. I couldn't take it any more. My thoughts were too overwhelming; we were both watching the movie, and it gave my brain time to fill up with all these thoughts about being a failure, a mistake, a mess. I think about that a lot. I think about it at night, in my bed. I think about it in the shower. I think about it wherever I go. It haunts me. So, I work hard so that I can be the best, so I can do well for myself and prove that stupid, critical voice in my head wrong for once. Sometimes, I manage to do that. Other times, not so much. I might seem confident and everything, but I'm not as great as most people think I am. I'm only human, and I'm terrified of failure. You know what I mean?" 

Yuuri tightened his grip around the boy, ensuring that he knew that he was well-loved. "Yes, I know what you mean," he whispered into Yuri's ear. "Trust me. I deal with anxiety on a regular basis. Thoughts can be overwhelming, and this can make attempting to achieve success and do well in life debilitating. It can cripple you. But you're not alone throughout this, and I genuinely mean it when I say that. You have so many people who care about you and love you. We want what's best for you, nothing less. We want you to be happy. I'm going to ring around in the morning, try and get you a therapist, because it's obvious to me that you might need one." 

Yuri pulled away from the hug and made a face. "Do I really need one?" 

Yuuri nodded. "Oh, yeah. I'm sure they'd consider this an emergency case, in fact." He paused, letting the weight of his words sink in. "Yuri, do you have any idea how serious what you did tonight was? Do you know how scared I was when Viktor called me in a panic, saying you went to the roof? We could have lost you tonight. But, luckily, we didn't, and thank God for that." 

Yuri started crying again. "I'm sorry," he told Yuuri. "I didn't mean to scare you, either of you. I wasn't thinking properly, that's all." 

"I know you weren't," Yuuri responded. "It's fine, it's not your fault that you're struggling. But tell us if your thoughts start to get dark, won't you?" Yuri took a deep breath before responding. 

"I will do. I guess I thought I was being a burden on you, too," he admitted, hanging his head in shame. 

"You could never be a burden," Yuuri insisted. "No matter what." Yuri stared at him in disbelief. 

"You really mean that?" 

Yuuri smiled at him. "Yes, I do, and I have no doubt that whatever Viktor said to you was true, too." They looked at each other for a few seconds, truly seeing each other for the first time. "I lost a friend to suicide when I was in college. We were both nineteen. It scared the hell out of me, knowing that I could have managed to save him if I'd checked up on him, or if I had been there that night he-" Yuuri stopped short, overcome with emotion. Guilt, regret, sadness, all resurfacing in one moment. Carefully, Yuri stepped forward and patted him on his shoulder, like a wild animal that he feared would behind him, or a fragile glass display that he was frightened of shattering at the slightest touch. He bowed his head respectfully.

"I'm sorry to hear that you lost your friend, Yuuri. That must have hurt." 

Yuuri swallowed down his tears and forced himself to look him straight in the eye. "Yes, I did. I covered it up well, but it was so painful, you wouldn't believe it. I don't want to lose another person. Death is permanent, Yuri. Your problems are temporary. Suicide is _never_ the answer, you hear me?" 

Yuri contemplated his words for a few seconds, biting his lip. "Yes, I do," he responded. "I'll talk to you or Viktor or somebody in future if I'm ever feeling this way in future. I didn't really want to die, for a record. I wanted my pain to end." 

That was something that Yuuri was aware that suicidal people felt. "I know, _Kotenok,"_ he murmured, placing a hand on Yuri's frail shoulder. "But it will end, and life moves on." 

Yuri stood and took in the man's words. He had a lot to think about, but knowing he wasn't alone gave him hope, some light in the darkness.

"I know that now," he told the twenty-four-year-old, meaning it. Yuuri rewarded with a smile, and he managed to muster up his own smile back, albeit a small one. Despite what he had been through, he knew that he was strong and would ultimately bounce back from this. 

Viktor walked back towards them, a small smile fixed on his face. "Yakov knows," he explained. "I told him about what happened. He isn't angry or anything, don't worry; he was just concerned about you, he wanted to make sure that you were okay. I assured him that you were. He's going to speak to Lilia about this, naturally, and he said he'd talk to Nikolai, too. Is that alright with you, Yurio?" 

Yuri nodded for what felt like the thousandth time that night. "Yeah, that's fine. I don't mind that." 

"Good," Viktor responded, taking them both in. The love he held in his heart for the both of them was so significant, it felt as though his heart was overflowing, as pretentious as that sounded. "My Yuris," he said gently, his eyes filling up with tears. "What would I do without you, eh?" That being said, he held out his arms and enveloped them both in his embrace. The three of them hugged, and Makkachin, who had followed Yuuri up, stood up on two paws and joined in. It was a sweet moment, and one both men were sure that they would cherish forever, despite the tragedy of what had nearly been. 

"Suicidal thoughts aren't healthy, Yuri, and we're getting you to therapy as soon as possible," Yuuri re-affirmed when they eventually broke away from the hug.

"That's a good idea," Viktor replied, slinging his arm around his significant other, after having got off the roof and made their way back into Viktor's apartment. 

"If you say so," Yuri replied, wearily, making his way to the couch in the living room. 

"How about we get some hot chocolate, sit and watch the rest of the movie together, and head to bed?" Yuuri suggested. Viktor nodded, and Yuri hummed in agreement. 

"One thing, though," he asked, while Yuuri put the kettle on to prepare their warm drinks. "Please can I sleep with the two of you, in your bed, tonight? I'm scared of being left alone with my thoughts in the dark. I know it a childish request-"

Yuuri raised an eyebrow; whatever he had been expecting him to say, it hadn't been this. "Yuri, it's fine. Of course you can. Can't he, Vitya?" 

Viktor kissed him on top of his head and smiled a little. "He can, yes. Absolutely." They sat down, both still shaken by the events of the night, but knowing that as long as they had each other, they would be fine. 

"We love you, Yurio. We really do," Yuuri told the boy, while they sat down. 

"You do?" 

"Yes, we do," Viktor responded. 

"Unconditionally," Yuuri added. There was a brief pause, before Yuri said anything back. When he spoke, his voice was low. 

"I love you both, too." That's when they both knew that, with some time and some therapy, everything would be fine, one day. But, for now, they were just getting through, and that was okay. It would be okay. This would be okay. They would be okay. 

That's what mattered, most of all. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so I'm sorry that this is so dark. It isn't my usual sort of thing, but it was an idea that I thought would work. I'm sorry if I didn't deal with the topic well, but I have been through this in the past, and I know how incredibly hard being suicidal can be. If you're feeling this way, please know that you are not alone and that you can get through this. I'm sorry if the ending is too optimistic as well, or rushed, but I feel like his heart wasn't truly in it, and he was too scared of what could happen not to listen to them-they symbolise safety and comfort to Yuri here, and so I felt like once Yuuri turned up, he'd have a change of heart. 
> 
> This is an important topic, and it needs to be handled sensitively. Stay safe, everyone. I hope you liked this. Please tell me if so, and have a good day. Thank you for taking the time to read this, it means the world to me :)


End file.
